♪ I don't think that I can take it ♪
♪ 'Cause it took so long to bake it ♪
♪ And I'll never have that recipe again ♪
♪ Again ♪
["Beetlejuice" theme music playing]
[thunder rumbling]
[dog barking]
[thunderclap]
[wind blowing]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Lydia] Come in if you dare.
[thunderclap]
The living.
The dead.
Can they coexist?
That's what we're here to find out.
My name is Lydia Deetz, and welcome to Ghost House.
[audience cheering and clapping]
Joining us in the attic tonight
are Emmet and Jody Welch, from Cleghorn, Wisconsin.
- Along with their dog, Taco. - [Taco whines]
And we're gonna hear about how
their dream home became a ghost house.
- [audience exclaims softly] - [spooky laughter plays]
I've been a psychic mediator for over 15 years.
But nothing could have prepared me
for what I encountered when I visited
the Welch farm.
- Here's a preview. - [Taco barks]
Be warned,
it's intense.
[eerie music playing]
I don't know what I'm gonna find behind this door,
but it doesn't want me here.
[suspenseful music playing]
[loud clattering]
[Taco whining]
[exhales shakily]
I feel a dark presence.
- We need to leave! Now! - [door slams]
[all gasping]
[sighs]
Emmet, are you ready to hear about your paranormal visitors?
Bring it on.
How about you, Jody?
Haven't slept a wink
since we moved into that darned house.
Taco was so freaked out, he goes to the bathroom
in his doggy bed every night.
It's been a living nightmare.
Confronting the unknown. Conquering your fears.
There's nothing harder.
But don't worry.
I'll be right by your... [gasps]
[distorted laughter]
What the...
No.
- No, no. - [audience murmuring]
[whispers] What's going on?
- I don't know. - Go!
[Lydia] No. No.
- Uh... - You're doing great.
[shakily] I'm...
- Need a break? - [breath trembling]
- Yeah. - Yeah, let's take a break.
Lydia Deetz, ladies and gentlemen!
- Bravo. - [audience clapping]
I need five. Make it happen.
Okay, everybody, that's lunch!
[exhales deeply]
[Nadia] I told him he needed to wear contacts.
But no, Mr. Big Shot Magician wouldn't listen.
Oh, can you give it a rest, Nadia?
I'm having a really shitty day.
- Hmm? - [door opens]
What happened out there?
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's these double taping days,
- it can get to me. - Oh, God.
Kills me to see you feeling like this.
Because when you're feeling like this,
it just makes me feel what you're feeling.
So in a weird way it's like,
when you're hurting, it's hurting me.
- I don't know. - God, I'm sorry.
I... I don't mean to make you feel like that.
Oh, babe. Hey, it's okay.
If anything, it just shows how connected we are.
It's like we got the same stupid little heart.
[pill bottle clattering]
[Lydia clears throat]
No. You don't need these.
[softly] Oh.
I have one job, and that is
to make sure that you do not drown your talents
at the bottom of a bottle of pills, Lydia.
Please...
just to get through today.
[mellow music playing]
Okay. But...
this is the last time
that I ever dig pills out of a trash can for you.
Do you understand? Or a toilet or sink.
Here.
Okay? You got this.
- All right? - Yeah.
[cell phone vibrating]
- Is that mine? - Don't move.
Who's texting me?
Your stupid stepmother.
She's got texting diarrhea.
I have to go.
Lydia...
we still have a segment to finish.
[interviewer] Tell us about
the inspiration for The Human Canvas.
[Delia] I am my own canvas.
I am my art.
As we know, art imitates the living.
It feeds me.
And I was not getting enough nourishment
from the sculpture alone.
So, I decided to broaden my tastes
and it turns out I am insatiably...
[Lydia] Delia!
Where have you been?
I think I've cried all the water out of my body.
What happened to Dad?
- I'm desolee, Le Tigre! - [speaking French]
He is the Picasso of graffiti artists.
He was tagging me like the walls of the Paris Métro.
But now he's having a petite tantrum
because I had to cancel the performance.
What happened?
What? Oh.
Your father's left me.
He's divorcing you?
What a horrible thought.
No! He's dead!
[shakily] What?
Daddy's passed away.
[sighs]
How?
[Delia] He was returning
from his bird-watching expedition
to the Funafuti Atoll...
- [indistinct chatter] - [baby crying]
[Delia] ...when his plane went down
in the South Pacific.
- [explosion] - [Charles gasps]
- [airplane rumbling] - [gasps]
A plane crash?
[passengers panicking]
[Lydia] That was his worst nightmare.
[airplane splashes]
Actually, he survived the crash.
- He drowned? - Almost.
But not quite, no. According to survivors,
Daddy clung onto a wing.
[gasps]
- [survivor 1] Over here! - [survivor 2] Come on!
[survivor 1] Hey, swim over! Swim over!
Hey!
So, how did he die?
A shark jumped out of the water
- and got him! - [Charles screaming]
Just like that.
I just spoke to him on Saturday.
He was so excited,
he thanked me for the binoculars,
he said he had observed the mating rituals
of the Tuamotu sandpiper.
Yes, he flew halfway around the world
to watch birds do it on a beach.
And it killed him!
[sighs]
We need to tell Astrid.
Oh. Must we?
She's already such a morbid little thing.
That's if I can even reach her.
We're barely on speaking terms.
Oh, it would kill Charles to know
I had to cancel my show.
[in French] Bonne journée a jamais!
What'd he say?
[speaking French]
- [Le Tigre screaming] - [body thuds]
[worker] Did you see that?
[suspenseful music playing]
[groans softly]
[in French] Bonjour, monsieur. Ou suis-je?
[in English] Where am I?
[janitor] Down the hall, second door on the right.
Take a number.
Someone will help you.
Eventually.
[upbeat music playing faintly over headphones]
[Le Tigre speaking French]
[janitor] Goddamn foreigners.
[exhales raspily]
[gulps]
[container clatters]
[grunting]
- [electricity crackling] - [groaning]
[screaming]
- ["Tragedy" by Bee Gees] - [gasps]
♪ Night and day, there's a burning down inside of me ♪
♪ Oh, oh, burning love with a yearning that won't let me be ♪
♪ Down I go and I just can't take it all alone ♪
♪ I really should be holding you, holding you ♪
♪ Loving you, loving you ♪
- [stapler clicking] - [winces]
♪ It's tragedy ♪
♪ When the morning cries and you don't know why it's hard to bear ♪
♪ With no-one beside you you're goin' nowhere ♪
[grunts]
♪ Tragedy, when the feeling's gone and you can't go on ♪
♪ It's tragedy, when the morning cries and you don't know why ♪
[bone cracks]
♪ It's hard to bear ♪
♪ With no-one to love you You're goin' nowhere ♪
[flesh squelching]
- [grunts] - [stapler clicking]
♪ It's tragedy ♪
♪ When the morning cries and you don't know why it's hard to bear ♪
♪ With no-one to love you you're goin' nowhere ♪
[foreboding music playing]
Hey, toots!
You're not supposed to be back here.
Don't make me tell you twice.
- [grunts] - ["Tragedy" resumes]
Where is Beetlejuice?
[gurgling]
[inhaling deeply]
[song ends]
[indistinct chatter]
[bell ringing]
- [cell phone ringing, stops] - Ugh.
[laughing]
[student] Ghost House!
When you're all on your third kid
and second divorce,
we'll see who gets the last laugh.
[glass shatters]
[Astrid] Perfect.
[cell phone ringing]
- Leave me alone. - [cell phone clatters]
[melancholy music playing]
So it's settled. We'll bring Charles home to Winter River.
But I've never hosted a funeral...
- [line ringing] - I've never hosted anything
without Charles standing there.
Watching me. In awe.
[Astrid voicemail] It's Astrid.
- Please don't leave a message. - [sighs] She won't pick up.
Maybe I should tell Astrid about Charles.
Might be easier coming from
a non-feminine masculine archetype.
Well, there aren't any men left in the family.
Well, no offense taken, Delia.
I'll be a member of the family soon enough.
In fact,
I might be the perfect person to tell her.
Having just lost my own grandfather.
You did? When?
Forty years ago.
But in my child body, that's yesterday.
[Lydia] I'm gonna tell Astrid, okay?
Just give me a few minutes before you come up.
[Delia] Enough! I'll handle this.
[shouts] Astrid!
Astrid!
Stop torturing your mother.
I know I usually find it funny,
and only fair after the way she treated me
- when she was your age. - [Rory sighs]
But not today!
Your mummy's lost her daddy.
You've lost your grandpa.
And I've lost my...
horny handyman.
[sobbing] Charles.
Charles!
Oh, Charles!
Can't believe Grandpa is dead.
He's like the only semi-normal person in this family.
[Lydia] We're gonna be in Winter River for a few weeks.
What do you mean for a few weeks?
I thought we were just going for the funeral.
Well, we need to clear out the house.
Grandpa loved that place.
[Delia] Yes, and we are going to honor him
with a Grief Collective.
A "Grief Collective"?
I am seeing a semi-multimedia visual manifesto of our loss.
What does loss look like?
Is it just tears? A headstone?
Wilting gladioli?
No, we need to unpack the art of sorrow.
Yeah, that sounds really traumatic.
I can't go.
I'm our school rep
for our Student Environmental Conference next week.
We're presenting our demands on climate change action.
I spoke with the principal, and they cleared it.
She actually thinks it's a really good idea.
Yeah, well, I guess when you donate an entire art center,
the principal becomes your little puppet on a string.
- [sighs softly] - [Delia chuckles]
Well, you're free to reject your inheritance
when you're living high off a tree hugger's salary.
- [laughter] - [foreboding music playing]
[shakily] What? No! No!
Jesus! Okay, people already know
that Lydia Deetz is my mom.
Okay, can you stop being a freak for, like, one second?
- Go back. - Why?
All right, people already know you'd rather spend
more time with ghosts than your own daughter.
[dramatic orchestral music playing]
[ominous music playing]
[gasps]
Jesus, Bob.
Can't you see I'm concentrating here?
You know, Bob,
long distance relationships can be difficult.
Especially when one of you is dead
and the other's ignoring you for 30 years.
But Lydia and I,
we have a definite psychic connection.
[caller 1] I just need these people out of my house.
Please hold! Afterlife Call Center, please hold.
[caller 2] How much for a premium bio exorcism?
[Beetlejuice] And I'll tell ya something,
she definitely saw me that last time.
I felt a little tingle.
[caller 3] The money back guarantee one.
I'm putting your call through now.
[caller 4] I've just died, and she's already remarried.
Sell him the honeymoon package.
I'll kill the new husband, and I'll possess the ex-wife.
I'll make her do some unseemly things,
- and then I'll post the pics. - [alarm blares]
[caller 4] Can I pay in installments?
I'm needed upstairs.
- [Bob grunting] - Bob, hold down the fort.
[knocking at door]
[sighs]
[in French] Ou je suis?
- Where am I? - [woman] Take a number,
- take a seat. - [Le Tigre scoffs]
[Beetlejuice sighs]
[cat yowls]
I'm more of a dog person.
[woman] You! Room 515. Now.
[camera flashing]
- Come on. - Come on.
[gangster] Hey, easy with the suit.
[detective] Don't "Detective" me,
you walking disaster.
- We got reports. - Another protestor.
[operator on radio] There is a ten-o-nine.
Wolf Jackson, Afterlife Crime Unit.
Let me take a wild stab.
Actor.
Not just any actor.
I've done it all. For six movies and a reboot,
I became Frank Hardballer.
Doing my own stunts was non-negotiable.
- You know why? - Authenticity.
Correct.
A vice cop doesn't get to a perp's door
and then call for some hambone stunt man to break it down.
Neither did I.
You gotta keep it real.
Looks like you got a little too real there, bud.
Who knew it was a live grenade?
Your name came up
on this case I'm investigating.
[coughing]
[shrieking]
Recognize this puss?
Never seen that chick before in my life.
Or afterlife.
- [camera shutter clicking] - [Wolf] Any idea
why my suspect wrote your name
in this schmo's goo?
Uh... Hard to say, Wolf, but could be a super-fan.
You know, guys like you and me...
- [camera shutter clicks] - ...we drive the gals crazy.
She collected all her body parts.
My hunch is she's out for revenge.
And you seem to be numero uno on her hit list.
Well, wouldn't be the first woman
who wanted to kill me.
And kinda hard to kill a dead guy.
This gal can.
She's a soul sucker.
Oh, yeah, you could say that again.
My advice, lay low.
She gets her hands on you and you're dead-dead.
And there's no coming back from that, Mr. Juice.
Roger that.
[boy singing] ♪ Day-o, me say day-o ♪
[choir singing] ♪ Daylight come And me want to go ♪
♪ Day, me say day Me say day, me say day ♪
♪ Me say day, me say day-o ♪
♪ Daylight come And me want to go ♪
[boy signing] ♪ Come mister tally man ♪
♪ Tally me banana ♪
[choir singing] ♪ Daylight come And me want to go home ♪
♪ Lift six-foot, seven-foot Eight-foot bunch ♪
♪ Daylight come And me want to go home ♪
I just don't believe I won't see Charles again.
Be comforted in the knowledge
that he's in a far better place.
Angels are guiding him towards everlasting light
and may his soul fly through the heavenly gates,
like the birds that he so adored
and soar over the Fields of Elysium
to the glory that is thine.
What?
I haven't been to a funeral since Dad's.
Death is hard.
Yeah, sometimes I think life is harder.
I know.
Listen, if you wanna talk to that therapist again...
There you go again.
You just sidestep
every possible conversation about him.
Astrid...
I loved your father,
but our relationship was over
a long time before the accident.
I still don't understand why you can't see him.
- Why not? - I wish I knew.
But this ability
didn't exactly come with instructions.
It all started when I was your age.
It's ironic, isn't it?
You can apparently see any random ghost
for your shitty TV show,
but the one ghost that actually matters to me
you can't see at all.
[somber music playing]
[ominous music playing]
We are closed!
I'm sorry to bother you. My name's Charles Deetz.
I'm feeling a little lightheaded.
Where am I?
Damn newbies.
You wait! In waiting room!
[Charles] All right.
- [store bell rings] - Unbelievable.
[grunts angrily]
[suspenseful music playing]
Hey...
- who's there? - [plastic rustling]
[screaming]
[whimpering]
[inhaling deeply]
[ominous choral music playing]
[water sploshes]
[burping]
- My ex-wife is back. - Hmm?
[Beetlejuice] Well, I know what you're thinking...
"When was the Juice ever tied down?
What kind of woman could ever keep him satisfied?" Well...
[mic feedback whines]
[in Italian]
[dramatic music playing]
[soft music playing]
[goat bleats]
[thunder rumbling]
[both moaning]
- [Beetlejuice grunts] - [Delores Moans]
[Beetlejuice continues in Italian]
[sinister music playing]
[Beetlejuice exhales]
Mazel tov.
[Beetlejuice continues in Italian]
- [tense music playing] - [Delores screams]
[in English] Now she's back,
and she's pissed.
[somber music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[operatic music playing over speakers]
Hey.
Must be pretty noisy up here. Yeah?
In here, too.
Listen, if you ever need to process
any of your emotions, I'm here for you.
[burps]
Emotions processed. Thanks.
I saw you standing at your grandfather's grave.
He must have been a pretty dope dude.
Death is so, like...
[groans] It's, like, tragic, you know?
I mean, if you ever wanna, you know, cry or just,
kind of rage against some of these feelings
that you have going on in there,
I want you to know
that I could be that...
kinda dope dad-dude for you. You know?
- I'm good. - You know,
times like this can bring a family
weirdly closer together.
On the way over here,
I wrote a poem for your grandpa.
Oh, did you? How does it go?
It's, it's, it's...
it starts...
It, well, it kinda like opens on grief. Obviously.
And then acceptance.
It's long. I didn't memorize it or anything like that,
but it's quite beautiful.
Cut the crap, Rory.
All right? I'm not falling for your New Age,
overly emotional, trauma bonding,
yoga retreat bullshit.
I see you.
Because, like you,
my mom is a very broken person.
Okay? She's a delusional fantasist.
You just exploit her.
And if she wants to allow that to happen,
that's on her.
[woman] I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry.
I know, I know. Thank you.
Oh, if it isn't little Jane Butterfield.
Littler Jane?
Oh, it's Jane Butterfield-Lee now.
We hyphenated.
Is that Maxie Dean?
No.
No one's here yet.
Sample from my hubby's microbrewery.
"Micro"? Is that for people with tiny houses?
Why is your house covered in black fabric?
It's a mourning shroud.
Now that Charles is dead, so also dies this house.
And I'm protecting it in its transition.
To a new life with a new family.
I can't wait to show it.
Buyers are already lining up.
Thanks to you, Lydia,
everyone wants a piece of the original Ghost House.
Ghosts aren't real.
Only gullible people believe that kind of crap.
Unless you're trying to pay the bills, right, Mom?
[Jane] Okay, honey, in we go.
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
What?
We're gathered here today
to celebrate the life of an extraordinary man.
Now, I only had the pleasure
of meeting Charles a few times.
Then I can tell you he didn't want any speeches.
Charles hated public displays of emotion.
Yeah, but he also...
chose to live his life to the fullest.
I'm going to tear a page out of Charles Deetz's book.
Lydia,
now, I know we had always agreed
to take our relationship slowly.
But I can't wait any longer.
Let's get married on your favorite holiday.
Will you marry me on Halloween?
- [mourner] Good Lord! - [Lydia] Uh...
That's... That's in two days!
Yes, I know.
I've already spoken to Father Damien.
The church is available.
The Lord's sanctuary welcomes all who seek
salvation and everlasting glory.
Just not before noon, and between three and four.
You're seriously doing this at Charles' wake?
Yes. Yes. Yes, because...
because as we stand here,
- surrounded by death... - [scoffs]
...let us all make a commitment to choose life.
Because I want to spend
the rest of my life with you, Lydia.
And you, Delia.
And you too.
And you. Again.
What do you say?
Rory, I... Come on,
I can't commit to this right now.
Oh. [chuckles softly]
All right.
This is too much loss. [sniffles]
What do you mean?
Well, first, the death of Charles.
And of course, the death of my grandfather,
which you know about. And now the death of...
- us. - No! No, I...
Come on, I didn't mean that.
Thought you wanted to take life's great big bungee jump
right beside me.
No safety nets, right?
- [wall thudding] - But I guess,
the only thing bungee jumping today is love.
- [sighs] - And that cord just snapped.
Come on. Rory...
- I love you. - And I love you.
Oh.
[Rory] What are we waiting for?
Okay, I guess.
[mourners murmuring]
[Rory chuckles softly]
Oh, my God.
[Rory kissing]
She said "yes"!
[mourners cheering]
She said "yes"!
Astrid!
["Somedays" by Tess Park playing]
♪ I don't like anything ♪
♪ But I love everyone somedays ♪
♪ Sometimes when the goin' gets rough ♪
♪ I cry somedays ♪
♪ And on Sunday I'm praying to a God ♪
♪ Don't know whom but he gives me love ♪
♪ Someday ♪
[exhales]
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
♪ And I know when the sun is out ♪
♪ And good people are about ♪
♪ It restores my faith ♪
♪ Someday ♪
♪ Oh, yeah Someday ♪
[gasps] Sorry!
- [horn honking] - [woman yelps]
- Sorry! - [man] Watch out!
[grunts]
[gasps]
[yelps]
[whimpers]
- [groaning] - [bicycle bell rings]
Whoa.
Are you okay?
[chuckles] Are you okay? What happened?
[Astrid] Yeah. I'll live.
Uh, what are you reading?
Crime and Punishment.
- One of those. -"One of those"?
What does that mean?
Nothing. I've read it three times.
- Did you really? - Yeah.
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable."
Yes.
Yeah, I...
I can't believe you're quoting Dostoevsky. That's...
Where have you been all my life?
[Astrid] So, how long have you been in Winter River?
[boy] My whole life.
I've never seen you around before.
[Astrid] Yeah, this is just a temporary layover
for my grandpa's funeral.
Until my mom's janky fiance
turned it into a de facto engagement party.
Yeah, he announced their wedding date.
[boy] Wow. That's different.
[Astrid] Oh, yeah. If you knew my mom,
that's actually pretty on-brand for her.
Is your dad in the picture or...
No.
Yeah, he was a free spirit.
Defender of hopeless causes.
When they split, he went to Brazil.
He was trying to save the rainforest.
But my mom grew up here.
That old house on the hill.
Wait. The Ghost House?
Is your mom Lydia Deetz?
Unfortunately.
She's a legend.
Well, yeah, if you believe in supernatural bullshit.
You don't?
- No. - Mmm-hmm.
I only believe in things that I can see.
You know, science. Facts.
[cell phone buzzing, chiming]
[Jeremy] Oh.
- Yeah, it's gonna keep going. - [chuckling]
Back to the insanity.
I'm sorry about your fence, by the way.
You can tell your parents my mom will pay for that.
Nah, that's okay. It's... They won't even notice.
Uh... Well, listen, I'll be here tomorrow,
if you want a break from the insanity.
[alarm blaring]
[gasps]
[gasping]
- [gasping] - [hissing]
- [screaming] - [eyeballs popping]
[scoffs]
[camera shutter clicks]
[lieutenant] Witness confirmed our suspect
as the soul sucker from Lost and Found.
Wanna hear the weird part, chief?
Hit me.
[lieutenant] After she turned the owner
into a human pancake,
she stole a wedding dress from the conveyor.
Of course. This stapled sicko...
has her twisted heart set
on a romantic reunion with Mr. Juice.
She won't stop killing,
until she walks him back down the aisle.
Cases like this make me wonder why I even became a cop.
[footsteps approaching]
You're not a cop. You're an actor.
Thank you, Janet.
You keep me real.
[Lieutenant] Should we take this Beetlejuice
into protective custody?
See if you can find him.
He's probably laying low.
Scared out of his mind.
[Beetlejuice] A little higher, boys.
We can't let Delores get through that door.
[Bob grunts]
[snickers]
Bob.
Like lookin' in a mirror.
You see, Bob, you'd serve as my decoy.
You'd walk in front of me at all times.
That way she'd suck your soul while I make my getaway.
[Bob groans]
¿Comprende?
[groans fearfully]
Now's my chance.
[suspenseful music builds]
[panting]
[distant screaming]
[shouts] What?
- Why? - [camera shutter clicks]
No! No! No!
Delia, what's wrong?
I'm trying to capture the perfect primal scream.
I'm gonna blow it up, mount it on the wall,
and I invite all of you to do the same.
- Why? - For the Collective.
We cannot sincerely celebrate
all that was good about our dearly departed.
Not until we release the horror
that they inflicted upon us.
What awful thing did Grandpa ever do to you?
He bought this house without telling me.
[rushing footsteps approaching]
Oh, my God!
I was helpfully getting some boxes in town,
then I heard you screaming. Are you all right?
[stutters] It was Delia.
Oh, Delia.
[exclaims] I'm good.
Ignore her.
That was very thoughtful of you.
Astrid, can you give him a hand with the boxes?
[scoffs]
I told the movers to come a week from today. All right?
I think that'll give us all time to get over
our grief and our trauma.
And then, after the wedding, I think we should go back,
and we gotta finish those shows.
Maybe Mom can get the ghosts in the attic
to give us a hand.
Adam and Barbara Maitland. They're not here anymore.
Why? They find a better house to haunt?
No, we found a loophole, and they moved on.
How convenient.
- [somber music playing] - [birds squawking]
[mysterious music playing]
Ew.
[sentimental music playing]
[footsteps approaching]
Oh.
God, I thought I lost those.
That was taken at an all-night Mario Bava horror fest.
I was nine months pregnant with you.
My water broke during Kill, Baby... Kill!
Dad's favorite movie.
Yeah.
Can I keep this?
Yeah.
I really like that model of Winter River, too.
Did Grandpa make that?
[Lydia] No, that belonged to the Maitlands.
You know, the non-existent ghost couple.
[ominous music playing]
Oh, I found that on the floor.
- Hey, who's Beetlejuice? - Don't ever say that name!
Not ever!
- Beetlejuice. - No! Astrid, I'm serious.
If you say that name three times, really bad stuff
- is gonna happen. - Like what?
In fact, this attic is off-limits.
Do you understand me?
[Astrid] Yeah, I understand that you're crazy.
[laughing maniacally]
[laborious breathing]
Oh, my God, it's you!
I thought a moose was about to attack me.
It's breathing exercises.
Try seeing ghosts every day.
Astrid!
- Let her be. - [sighs]
God, she hates me.
[Delia chuckles]
[Lydia] Somehow, Richard's death is still my fault.
You blamed me for your mother's.
She's not dead.
And I didn't blame you. I resented you.
There's a difference.
You weren't very nice.
No, you barely acknowledged my existence.
But we've done all right, haven't we?
Yeah. Ever since I sold out and got famous,
we have gotten closer.
No, I started liking you before that.
[breathing heavily]
Again with the creepy breathing!
It works!
I learned it at the survivors' retreat, where I met Rory.
[Delia] Of course you did.
Look, I was in shock after Richard died.
And I was working on my unresolved feelings,
and Rory had just lost his fiancee
in a skiing accident,
and we were in the same sorrow circle
and we connected.
Yeah.
He was turned on by you at the lowest point in your life.
Okay, but this isn't about him.
Astrid found this in the attic.
Ew. So?
So?
Every now and then I feel his presence.
Like he's lurking somewhere,
just out of reach.
But lately,
I'm seeing him again.
And I was really hoping this was all in my head.
But now this?
Lydia, you need to take back your life.
From the hanger-onners, from this thing.
Where's the obnoxious little goth girl
who tormented me all those years ago?
It's time to find her.
- [Astrid] Hey. - Hey.
- [woman] Jeremy, is that you? - Yeah.
Uh, Mom, I'm just gonna be upstairs with a friend.
[woman] Okay. Have fun.
[dishes clinking]
[TV playing indistinctly]
- [Jeremy] Hey, Dad. - [man] Son.
Stuck on... He lives in that room.
["Where's the Man" by Scott Weiland playing on stereo]
You've got a lot of '90s vinyl.
Where are you finding this, eBay?
No, I troll old record stores.
I don't trust what I can't touch.
Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
Yeah, I got that at a yard sale in town.
The illustrations are pretty gnarly. [chuckles]
[Astrid] Yeah, looks like the kinda crappy book
my mom would write.
What's the deal with your parents?
Well, my mom spends every waking hour
in the kitchen stress-baking.
And my dad used to work at the paper mill,
but then he had an accident,
so now he's a full-time couch potato.
I can't wait to get out of this shitty town.
Um, you must have been to a lot of places
traveling, with a famous mom.
[Astrid] Not really.
My dad's more the traveler anyway.
We used to have this big plan
where we were gonna visit
the top ten creepiest places on Earth.
So, Tower of London and Dracula's Castle and...
[scoffs] yeah, then we never got the chance to do it.
What happened?
A boat accident.
Yeah, they searched the Amazon for a week,
and they never found his body.
[sighs]
You really miss him.
Yeah.
You know, I at least would have liked
to have gotten the chance to say goodbye.
But can't your mom,
I don't know, like,
contact him or...
She claims she can't even see him.
- Why not? - Because she's a fraud.
Well, I think that's a little harsh.
Uh, well, tomorrow's Halloween.
I know. Used to be my favorite holiday.
Because my dad, he would go all out
and make the most age-inappropriate costumes.
- [chuckles] - Yeah, I think I was
in second grade when I went as Munch's The Scream.
- Wow. Yeah. - Yeah. It was a choice.
But now my mom's getting married that day,
so I don't know,
probably be my least favorite now.
Well, what time's the wedding?
Midnight. The witching hour.
Future stepdad's lame idea.
Well, why don't you come over...
earlier?
Uh, we could,
I don't know, we could order pizza and give out candy.
Only if you want to. I mean that's, that's no...
no pressure.
What is up with these creepy birds?
Bird-watching was my dad's passion.
Oh, I contacted that vintage shop
you love in SoHo.
They've sent a few potential wedding dresses.
Should be here later today.
Ooh, great. Thanks.
And a, uh,
little bird may have chirped our big news
to a few news outlets.
Thought we could sell the photos exclusively.
Could be great press for the show.
I... Look, I'm really excited about tying the knot,
but can we just keep it small and private?
Yeah. Well, sure.
It's your big day.
Night. Whatever.
[jingle playing over phone]
[Beetlejuice over phone] Yo, I've got fevers running
all through me. All through me!
- [woman moaning over phone] - [Beetlejuice cackling]
[Beetlejuice grunts]
Lydia?
I want you out of my life!
Do you hear me?
Lydia?
Who are you yelling at?
Do you remember that couples therapist that we saw,
- Dr. Glickman? - Mmm.
He said that I was holding something back
and until I faced it, you and I wouldn't evolve.
- Mmm. - Okay, well, he was right.
And I'm going to tell you now.
And, fair warning,
it's gonna sound batshit crazy.
Are you okay with that?
Of course. I'd love to.
Let's break through this barrier together.
Okay, just give me a sec.
[exhales]
When I was a teenager,
a trickster demon terrorized my entire family
and tried to force me to marry him,
in order to come back to the real world for good.
I believed he was gone forever,
and then lately, I have been seeing him again.
And now, he is actually back.
And I don't know why, or how, or what to do.
Okay, so you're saying that someone called Beetlejuice...
Don't say his name!
If you say his name three times,
he will appear.
Okay. So this...
demon is clearly a construct of your unpacked trauma.
It's trauma that you're gonna need to face,
otherwise, it's just gonna get worse.
He's not a construct. He is literally a demon.
I know this is a big step for you.
But in the words of Dr. Glickman,
I'm gonna give you the push you need.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
- [gasps] - [ominous music playing]
[electricity crackling]
What just happened?
We're in the model.
That's not possible.
[tense music playing]
[Rory shakily] What the hell?
I told you not to say his name!
- [lever creaks] - [both screaming]
[Rory yelping]
[Rory] Lydia Deetz, ladies and gentlemen!
[Lydia] Don't ever say that name.
Not ever! We need to leave, now.
[Rory] Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
[both grunting]
[chair squeaking]
- Is that... - Beetlejuice!
- [exclaims] - [muffled gasp]
[muffled grunting]
First of all, I want you two kids to know,
this is a safe space. Okay?
Feel free to express yourselves.
Don't be afraid. I sense there's an enabler here,
but we'll get to that.
Look, dig deep
and spill your guts.
Okay? Who wants to go first?
- Huh? - [muffled grunt]
All right, I will.
- [muffled screaming] - [Rory gasping]
There you go. See? I'm willing to do the work.
You two kids need to get in touch
with your inner child.
Mine'll be along in just a jiffy.
[muffled screaming]
[whimsical music playing]
[baby crying]
- [retching] - [crying]
Everybody says he's got my eyes.
- Personally, I don't see it. - [baby snarls]
- Scram, kid. - [baby yelling]
- [baby snarls] - [Rory whimpering]
[baby burping, farting]
You're just my unpacked trauma.
You're a figment of my imagination.
Really?
Is this a figment of your imagination?
- [Beetlejuice shrieking] - [Rory groans]
[fussing]
- [muffled groaning] - [nibbling]
[snickers] Leg man.
Just like his old man.
[muffled shouting]
[gasps]
That was you stalking me.
[Beetlejuice] Hey, if stalking means
trying to remarry the love of my life,
well, I'm guilty as charged. Come here!
Home, home, home!
["Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx playing]
[mouthing] ♪ Wherever you go Whatever you do ♪
♪ I will be right here Waiting for you ♪
[Rory gasps]
What happened?
I just had the wildest dream.
Yeah, I think we should lay off the pills.
[snakes hissing]
Snakes?
Actually, asps.
Aren't they beautiful?
[Astrid] Wedding gift for Rory?
[snickers] Too late. They've been defanged.
Guaranteed harmless, and they're for me.
In Ancient Egypt,
a queen would perform a ceremony
at the tomb of her pharaoh using snakes,
the symbol of undying love.
- Are you sure about that? - Mmm-hmm.
We read that they were a constant threat
to Ra in the underworld
and represented total chaos.
Okay, see, that's why schools need
more art and less reading.
You got your wish, we're leaving.
So go pack up your things,
I'm driving you back to school.
Wait, what happened?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
I will pay for a fleet of movers
to take everything back to Manhattan,
except that model.
We need to chop it up and burn it.
[gasps] Oh.
You're calling off the wedding?
[Lydia breathing heavily]
[exhales]
What did that cheese ball do now?
It's not Rory.
It's [mouthing] Beetlejuice.
[in normal voice] He's here.
In the model. I saw him.
Rory saw him, too, but he thinks it's a dream.
[Astrid] Wait, we can't leave yet.
I have plans tomorrow with this boy that I met.
How did you have time to meet a boy?
You had time to get married.
[smacks lips] She doesn't mean it. It's just karma.
Whatever. I was biking
and then I kinda crashed into his fence
and we started talking,
and then he invited me over to his place for Halloween.
Can I go, Mom?
[Delia] Mmm-mmm.
Please?
[Lydia mumbles]
[Delia] I will not allow that menace to humanity
to upheave our family again.
No one goes in there, no one calls his name!
We're gonna be fine, right?
[Astrid] Mom, come on! I'm gonna be late.
[mysterious music playing]
[children chattering and laughing]
[child] Trick or treat!
Are you sure this is the right address?
Yeah.
- 125 Jefferson Lane. - [children shouting excitedly]
Don't judge... all right?
His dad just got into an accident at work,
and they're going through a rough patch.
[child] Trick or treat!
He's cute.
What are you doing?
I was gonna go say "hey" to his parents.
Seriously? This isn't a playdate.
I mean, we're not six years old.
Nothing's gonna happen.
All right, okay. You're right.
Have fun, and I'll pick you up at 10:00.
Not a second later.
[child 1] Come on, quick!
[child 2] Trick or treat!
[sighs]
["Svefn-g-englar" by Sigur Rós playing]
[Jeremy] I, uh, raided the basement.
I forgot we even had half this stuff.
Yeah, you really went all out.
Yeah. [chuckles]
I like the James Dean costume, by the way.
Thank you. But yeah,
my parents think I look more like
Richie from Happy Days.
- Mmm? - Your costume looks great.
Who are you supposed to be?
Marie Curie.
Two-time Nobel Prize-winning French physicist
- and feminist icon. - Oh, she was, uh,
she discovered radiation. Right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah, her work was killing her.
She didn't even realize it.
Yeah, well, for someone who is dying
of radiation poisoning,
uh, you look beautiful.
I brought some candy. Or a lot of... I...
It's probably too much actually.
But, uh, we can, I don't know,
maybe binge on whatever's left over, if you want?
Or we could start handing it out now,
if that's...
- what you wanna do. - Yeah.
Uh, I have a confession, actually.
I'd rather stay up here with you.
Okay. Yeah.
That works, too.
["Where's the Man" by Scott Weiland playing]
[chuckles]
[gasps]
[whimpers]
[stutters] Please don't freak out.
What are you?
Don't you know?
Astrid, really, you don't have to be scared.
You're a ghost.
My mom was telling the truth. Shit!
When my mom and dad used to fight,
I used to steal one of my dad's six-packs
and go hide out in the tree fort.
And one day,
I slipped
and fell.
How long ago did that happen?
23 years, 5 months and 14 days.
But who's counting?
I've been stuck in this house for 23 years.
I can't go any further than that tree.
And I've just spent my time watching the world go by.
But then you came along,
and you could see me.
And I've been on my own for so long,
it was like a grenade had gone off in my head.
It was amazing.
You're amazing.
- I should go. - Astrid, I know.
I know it's insane.
But I really like you,
and I want us to be together.
How?
You're dead, I'm alive. That doesn't make any sense.
Well, uh,
what if I told you
that I'd found a way to come back.
To be human again.
Um, it's all in this book.
Uh, everyone gets one of these when they die.
It's kind of complicated,
but, uh, I can only do it
with the help of a living person.
And you could literally give me my life back.
I don't know. Maybe we could ask my mom?
'Cause she's supposed to be the undead expert, right?
Yeah, well, I...
I'm sure she'll give you a million reasons
to stay away.
But I'll give you one reason to help me.
You'd get to see your dad.
Again.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Jane sighs] I have the first official open house
a week from Sunday,
and then we will let the bidding war begin.
Where's Rory?
Supermarket.
Swapping out the candy I bought for carrot sticks.
Because Rory loves to fun-suck everything.
Even Halloween.
Gotta run. See you at the church.
Oh. Unless you're calling off the wedding?
No, Delia.
Where are you going?
Cemetery.
To commune with my dear husband's spirit.
I need to skedaddle, too.
I'm co-chaperoning
Littler Jane's Girl Scout troop.
We spent weeks coming up with a group costume theme.
We agreed nothing Disney.
The closest we ever got to Disney
was when Astrid dressed as Cinderella's dead mom.
You'll never guess what the girls came up with.
- [Lydia] Mmm? - Fruit salad.
Isn't that genius?
It's healthy and non-triggering.
I'm going as...
"reverse mortgage."
Which is "mortgage" spelled backwards.
Where is Astrid?
On a date. Her first.
I think I'm more nervous than she is.
The boy lives over on Jefferson.
Don't mention that street.
I have a listing that's kept me
from a perfect sales record.
Oh, it's my own fault.
The place had been on the market for years...
but I thought if I could sell the "Murder House,"
it would be a feather in my cap.
Murder House?
Which house?
125.
That's where I dropped Astrid off.
She was seeing a boy named Jeremy.
- [unsettling music playing] - Jeremy Frazier?
I didn't get his last name.
Oh, no, it can't be him.
But Jeremy Frazier was bad news.
Twenty-three years ago, he murdered his parents.
The cops found him hiding in his tree house.
When they tried to get him out,
he fell, broke his neck,
died instantly.
[gasps]
That's all you have to do to get into the Afterlife?
Draw a door with some chalk?
Oh, and knock three times?
I'm just doing what it says in there.
So lame.
[rumbling]
[debris clattering]
[suspenseful music playing]
- Or maybe it's not so lame. - [chuckles]
And what do we do? We just walk through?
I can. But since you're still alive,
you have to read that incantation first.
[reading in Latin] "De mundo vivorum audeo in iterum..."
[children shouting]
[tires screeching]
[tense music playing]
[Lydia] Astrid!
[grunts]
[woman] Jeremy, is that you?
[eerie music playing]
[tense music resumes]
"Ut liber iterum ambulet alius."
Okay.
I think that worked.
Astrid!
Let's go see your dad.
[gasps] Astrid! No!
Okay.
[muzak playing]
Uh, okay, you just wait here.
I'm gonna go find out where we're supposed to go.
Make sure to ask where my dad is.
[Jeremy] Excuse me, sorry, sorry for...
[Astrid] Merry Christmas.
[raspily] Merry Christmas.
[Jeremy] Thanks.
Okay, we need to go to Immigration.
[Charles] Excuse me, can I please speak to your manager?
My wife is gonna flay me if I don't get home soon.
[woman] That's sweet. Take a number and a seat.
[Charles scoffs]
[sighs]
Whoa, dude.
[blood spurting]
[haunting music playing]
[Delia] Oh, Powers of the Hereafter,
accept my Charles as I have accepted his passing.
No, I haven't.
And I won't ever.
There is no expiry date on sorrow.
Oh. Oh, that's good.
Though there is no expiry date on sorrow!
Kings of Commerce,
Knights of Nasdaq,
deem him worthy to enter the gates of your realm.
You are no more, my king.
But with the blessing of the angels
- of undying love... - [snakes hissing]
I, your surviving queen,
proudly take up the mantle of your...
- [snakes hissing] - [neck cracks]
- [winces] - [body thuds]
[snakes hissing]
[Rory] Okay. There you go. Thank you.
You all right, honey? You look a little manic.
Just pre-wedding jitters.
I'm just gonna go up and try on my dress,
but don't come up
'cause it's bad luck to see me before the ceremony.
Sure.
[children laughing]
Oh, well, hello. Who's clowning around?
- [child 1] Trick or treat! - [child 2] Trick or treat!
Here we are.
- Apples... - [children] Thank you!
...carrot sticks, and some blonde raisins,
'cause no one likes a big, fat clown.
[children laughing]
[tense music playing]
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
[thunderclap]
[ground cracking]
[horse neighing]
[woman shrieking]
[ground rumbling]
[sinister music playing]
The Juice is loose.
[gasps]
I need you to tell me what this means.
Oh, well, let's have a look, shall we?
Long story short, your daughter's screwed.
She decided to trade lives with the boy.
He gets to come back,
while she's stuck on the other side permanently.
One-way ticket on the Soul Train.
- Soul Train? - That's right.
Last stop, the Great Beyond.
No, she can't get on that train.
You've gotta get me in there so I can get her out.
Well, I can get you in,
but it's gonna take a quid pro quo.
Of course there is. What do you want?
Well, I've got this ex-wife, you know?
And she's kind of a whack job, first of all. We're through.
She's kinda clingy.
If I could just get away from her permanently somehow.
You want me to marry you!
I thought you'd never ask.
How do I know that you're gonna keep your word?
I swear on my dead mother's soul.
Yikes!
Okay, fine.
I'll marry you if you help me save my daughter.
I'm gonna need that in writing.
- Give me that. - Ow.
And here we go.
I'm gonna make you so happy.
Jesus! What's the plan on getting in?
[chalk scraping]
Yeah.
Well, can't exactly go through the front door.
- [typewriter clacking] - [phones ringing]
[caller 1] We need a demon possession.
[caller 2] Our case worker's on strike
and the waiting room's...
[caller 3] Tell Beetlejuice
these people are still in my house.
[shrinkers gasping]
[caller 3] Hello? Hello?
You never saw us.
¿Comprende?
Bob, you and the boys stand guard.
Nobody gets through. [snaps fingers]
Let's go, honey.
[muffled speech]
[grunts quizzically]
- [boy 1] Trick or treat. - [boy 2] Trick or treat.
[Rory] Whoa, whoa.
One each.
Honor system.
Yeah, right. Asshole.
[boys laughing]
- [clattering upstairs] - Huh?
[shrinkers grunting]
Okay, everyone,
strawberries get first pick this time.
No crowding.
- [screaming] - [children screaming]
[Rory whimpering]
[thunder rumbling]
Hands on your head, asswipe!
Or I'll spray-paint the wall with your brains!
[dispatcher over radio] 10-31 reporting.
Oh, no, dude.
That was way too forced.
Remember, throw it away.
Underplay it.
- You gotta keep it real. - [alarm blaring]
- [automated voice] Warning. - Olga,
what the hell is going on?
We got a code 6-9-9 violation.
You mean to tell me
a live one illegally broke into the Afterlife?
[automated voice] ...6-9-9 violation.
Time to call the Ghoul Squad.
[growls]
I need a hard target search for two suspects.
Scumbag...
goes by the name of Beetlejuice.
And a female Fleshbag.
One Lydia Deetz.
Kick down every door. Leave no gravestone unturned.
Hell, sift through the sands of Titan if you have to!
Men...
this is what you've been training
your entire deaths for.
And remember...
[in unison] Gotta keep it real!
Yes!
[whooping dramatically]
[muzak playing]
What the hell?
Where am... What?
No. No. No!
No! [whimpering]
No!
- Excuse me! - [cat meowing]
What if a mistake's been made?
Because I'm not supposed to be here.
[man grunting, muffled]
Seriously?
No. I have global entry.
Is there a line for that?
[whimpers]
[announcer over PA] The 8:35 to the Great Beyond
is on time.
[officer in Russian accent] Next.
Stand on the marks and look directly into the camera.
Say "cheese."
[camera shutter clicks loudly]
Whoa! [laughs]
Are you okay?
No. I feel strange.
I feel amazing. Go figure.
- What just happened? - Well, it's real simple.
You remember the chant that I got you to recite?
Uh, you agreed to swap your life for mine.
What?
I needed your life so that I could walk free again.
[guards grunting]
She's got a seat on the Soul Train.
One-way to the Great Beyond.
If you hustle, you can make the 8:35.
- [Astrid] Wait, no! Wait! - Thank you very much.
[guards speaking Russian]
[Astrid] I never agreed to this!
Uh, how do I cross back over?
Get this stamped first. Window 11.
The transfer isn't permanent till then.
- [Astrid grunting] - [guards speaking Russian]
Dad?
- Astrid? - Dad?
Dad! Help me!
Dad!
Astrid!
[dramatic choral music playing]
Soon, my beloved.
Soon.
[glass shatters]
[whimpering]
[automated voice] Warning, violation code 6-9-9.
[cop] All clear. Let's go.
We're like Bonnie and Clyde, you and me.
Without the bullet holes.
Do you even know where we're going?
You go right down the hallway,
three rights through the ninth door...
[automated voice] Violation code 6-9-9.
...and right to the Soul Train.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go to the little boy's room first.
["Soul Train Theme" by The Soul Train Gang plays]
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
[Astrid struggling]
[over PA] This is the 8:35...
to the Great Beyond!
[all cheering]
[Don Cornelius] All aboard
the Soul Train!
["Soul Train Theme" plays]
No. No!
No!
[woman] Yeah! Whoo!
[Lydia] Astrid!
Astrid!
No! No, no!
No, no!
Please, no!
["Soul Train Theme" continues]
[man] Hey, shake your thing, mama.
Hey!
[Lydia panting]
Astrid!
[gasping]
- [guards shouting] - [Lydia gasps]
Shoot!
Freeze!
There.
By the way, I saw Dad.
[both screaming]
[echoing] Hey, where are we?
I don't know.
Hey, that's Saturn.
Right? So we must be on one of its moons.
I swear, the Afterlife is so random!
[wind blowing]
[rumbling]
[tense music playing]
[wind blowing]
Sandworm! Run!
[panting]
[Richard] Take my hand!
[all grunting]
[roaring]
[Richard] Here! Come on!
[roaring]
[Astrid grunts]
[panting]
[coffee machine whirring]
[muzak playing]
[fish squelching]
[both chuckle]
Marie Curie.
After the radiation poisoning.
Right?
- Learned from the best. - [Richard chuckles]
We made a great kid.
Yeah, we did.
Come here!
I know you can't see me,
but I check in on you both all the time.
And I don't want to be the reason
that drove you two apart.
You need each other.
You make each other better.
Always have.
- [alarm blares] - [automated voice] Alert!
We have a 6-9-9 violation.
We gotta get back to Winter River.
You can't leave until Astrid gets her life back.
- Warning! Intruder detected! - Let's go.
The Ghoul patrol found the breach and sealed it.
Any sign of Mr. Beetlejuice? Or the Fleshbag?
Still looking.
But we did find something that might help.
Hmm.
-"Bob"? - Mmm?
[grunts]
Let me tell ya how this is gonna go.
Your shriveled lips will start flappin',
or I'll crack your itty-bitty skull
like a goddamn walnut.
[yells] Where's Beetlejuice?
[whimpering]
[indistinct chatter]
- [Damien] Rory? - Father...
I'm seeing these shrunken head people everywhere.
Well, be not afraid,
for thine eyes will see strange things.
Are you filled with fear and trembling?
Yes! I'm shitting my pants.
- Ah. - What are you doing here?
I'm searching for the lost lambs
to bring back into the light.
Why don't I give you a ride to the church?
[seatbelt whirring]
[child] Trick or treat!
Sorry, sorry I just... I'll...
I... Come right back, I just...
Excuse me. Just...
Um, sorry, I'm just, uh, late for a wedding.
Hi, yes, one question, how do I get out of here?
Because someone made a terrible mistake.
I'm on a break. Take a number. Take a seat.
No, you see, those asps,
they were defanged. I paid extra for that.
Honey, you're dead, okay?
Now take a number and sit down.
Is there perhaps anyone here who has the power to help me?
Did that line used to work for you?
I'm not dead!
[laughs]
You know what?
My husband's here. Charles Deetz.
Yes, he can fix this.
You call him, he can fix this, he can fix anything.
Not anymore he can't.
No, wait! Wait, I know people!
Oh! I know people! I am people! Why's...
No.
Beetlejuice. Oh, no.
[grunts]
Beetlejuice. [whimpering]
- Right here. - [screams]
I get it. Now that you're dead,
you wanna hang out with me.
Would you help me find Charles, please?
And then the VIP lounge.
- Sure. - Okay.
Just after you help me find my runaway bride.
[Delia] Ugh.
[tense music playing]
- [Bob] Hmm? - [door slams]
- [gasps] - Where is he?
[gulping]
Tell me.
[whimpering]
- [inhaling deeply] - [muffled whimpering]
[screaming]
[automated voice] Stay behind the line until called.
Don't stamp that passport!
You're too late, man.
I think it was Dostoevsky who said...
"Later, fucker!"
[screaming]
This way. Follow me.
[screaming]
[laughs] Next!
[automated voice] Warning! Intruder detected.
[whispers] This way.
[automated voice] This is a code 6-9-9. We have...
[in normal voice] Okay, this is as far as I go.
- Okay. - I love you.
I love you too, sweetheart.
Have an amazing life.
You take care of each other.
Yeah.
- I'll see you later. - Okay.
Thank you for saving my life.
I'm so sorry I never believed that you saw ghosts and...
I don't know, I'm just sorry for all of it.
[Lydia] Astrid, I...
[Damien] Lydia! Come on, you're late!
Oh, my God! My wedding!
[Damien] We're about to start.
Wait, Mom, with everything that's happened tonight,
you know you don't have to do this, right?
I know, but if I don't do it now,
I'm never gonna do it.
But are you sure about this?
[Lydia] Rory loves me, and that's gotta be enough.
[Damien] Quickly, my dear! Come! Come!
Oh.
[door opens]
And the lost lamb is welcome into thy house
- with open arms. - Oh, my God!
I thought you got cold feet.
Oh, no, blame me.
She just saved me from my date from hell.
Who are all these people?
This is just a couple influencers.
Nobody under five million followers,
and I think we have a Netflix executive in there.
We doing this?
Yeah. Where's your dress?
All that matters is that I'm here, now.
So let's just skip straight to the vows.
Wait, where's Delia?
- [Beetlejuice] Yo! - [guests gasping]
- [thunderclap] - Right here.
She was helpin' me calm down before the wedding.
I was feeling a little jittery.
- All, right, beat it. - You.
You're that thing...
from my dream.
Well, I'm really more nightmare material,
but, thanks.
- [distorted] You're... - [Beetlejuice] Uh-uh.
Part of the deal
is you can never, ever say my name, ever!
What deal?
The deal she made to save you.
By the way, you can call me "Dad."
[Delia] Lydia.
You agreed to marry him?
I was desperate, and it was my only option.
Lydia. What's going on here?
- Wow. - [book thuds]
Awkward.
You haven't made much progress since our last session,
so I'm gonna suggest some drug therapy.
Don't be afraid to share. When you're ready.
[Rory groans]
[gasping]
I always thought your whole act was bullshit.
I never believed in ghosts, spirits, or any of it.
What? All this time?
Why the hell did you wanna get married?
- Money! - [guests gasping]
I knew I could make more as your husband
than I could as your manager.
[groans] And I never had a dead fiancee.
I just went to that survivor's retreat,
so that I could meet weak women and exploit them!
And I hit the codependent lottery when I met you.
How 'bout a little physical therapy?
[grunts]
[body thuds]
We'd like to thank you all
for coming to this very special occasion,
but right now we'd like a little privacy.
[quirky music playing]
[guests straining]
[gasping]
Where you goin', Padre?
["Wedding March" playing]
[chuckles]
["MacArthur Park" by Richard Harris playing]
Honey, I've got one more surprise,
and this one's from the heart.
- [heart thumping] - [groans]
[mouthing] ♪ Spring was never Waiting for us, girl ♪
♪ It ran one step ahead ♪
♪ As we followed in the dance ♪
[mouthing] ♪ Between the parted Pages and were pressed ♪
♪ In love's hot, fevered iron ♪
♪ Like a striped Pair of pants ♪
♪ MacArthur's Park Is melting in the dark ♪
♪ All the sweet green icing Flowin' down ♪
[mouthing] ♪ Someone Left the cake out in the rain ♪
♪ I don't think That I can take it ♪
♪ 'Cause it took so long To bake it ♪
♪ And I'll never Have that recipe ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
[mouthing] ♪ I recall The yellow cotton dress ♪
♪ Foaming like a wave ♪
[mouthing] ♪ On the ground Around your knees ♪
♪ The birds, like tender babies In your hands ♪
♪ And the old men Playing checkers ♪
♪ By the trees ♪
[mouthing] ♪ MacArthur's Park Is melting in the dark ♪
♪ All the sweet green icing Flowing down ♪
♪ Someone left the cake Out in the rain ♪
♪ I don't think That I can take it ♪
♪ 'Cause it took so long To bake it ♪
♪ And I'll never Have that recipe again ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
I love a good dream sequence.
[mouthing] ♪ There will be Another song for me ♪
♪ For I will sing it ♪
♪ I will drink the wine While it is warm ♪
♪ And never let you catch me Looking at the sun ♪
♪ And after all The loves of my life ♪
♪ After all the loves Of my life ♪
♪ You'll still be the one ♪
[orchestral solo playing]
[grunting]
[mouthing] ♪ I will take My life into my hands ♪
♪ And I will use it ♪
♪ I will win the worship ♪
♪ In their eyes And I will lose it ♪
[all grunting]
[grunts]
[grunting]
[whimpering]
- [song ends] - Mr. Juice,
you've violated code 6-9-9!
- Freeze! - [ice cracking]
Book 'em, Danno!
- [thunderclap] - [laughs]
Beetlejuice!
What the... [bleep]
[in sing-song voice] I'm back.
Sweetheart!
You look fantastic!
You look so...
- put together. - [in normal voice] He's mine.
It's me, not you. You know, honey,
I've been goin' through a lotta changes lately.
Kind of a mid-afterlife crisis, I guess.
Your soul belongs to me, my love.
For eternity.
[Beetlejuice] You don't wanna spend your eternity with me.
I'm a lone wolf.
You need a soulmate.
Somebody who really sees you. For instance.
[whimpering]
I need something to draw with. Quick!
["MacArthur Park" instrumental playing]
[speaking Spanish]
[roaring]
[in Spanish]
[in Spanish] Olé.
[both gasping]
[both scream]
[gasps]
- Let's go! - [Beetlejuice] Hey!
We had a deal.
She doesn't have to marry you.
- What? - [Astrid] You violated code 6-9-9.
Yeah, you illegally brought my mom into the Afterlife.
According to that book, that contract is null and void.
Look, I'm sorry things didn't work out between us,
but the 600-year age gap
was a little bit much for me.
- Beetle... - Ah!
- Beetlejuice. - [hisses]
[exclaims]
Beetlejuice.
[straining]
- [Beetlejuice] Hey! - Beetlejuice.
[hissing]
- [loud popping] - [gasping]
Shoulda got married in Vegas.
Looks like we're a little late, boys.
Tape off the crime scene, call in forensics,
and keep the goddamn media away.
Little lady, you just popped his Beetlejuice.
Say your goodbyes,
you can take a selfie now, if you like,
but make it quick.
Sister, you're comin' with me.
What? Delia, what did you do?
I fell for a scam,
and I'm counting on you to claim a refund.
Those snakes were actually poisonous, weren't they?
Yeah. So, I died of embarrassment.
Your work's gonna go up in value.
- Oh! Oh, well, then. - [Astrid] Mmm-hmm.
Delia...
- I'll miss you. - No, you won't.
I'll find Charles and we'll haunt you both,
until you beg us to move on!
Nice work for a couple of Fleshbags.
Don't come knockin' until it's your time,
and in the meantime, remember,
you gotta keep it real.
Come on, beautiful,
we got a date with the commissioner.
[mellow music playing]
[sighs]
["Soul Train Theme" by The Soul Train Gang plays]
[all cheering and laughing]
Charles!
[Charles] Delia!
I can't believe you're here!
Oh, Charles.
[Charles] I'm so happy to see you!
Oh, Charles,
look what happened to me!
This is the 10:13,
to the Great Beyond!
All aboard
the Soul Train!
[mellow music playing]
[thunder rumbling]
I wanna thank all you Ghosties out there,
for all your support over the years,
but this is my last show.
I have spent so much time talking to the dead,
it's time I started living.
I wanna make memories with the people I love
rather than be haunted by them later.
[indistinct chatter]
[church bell tolling]
[guests cheering and clapping]
[breathing heavily]
- [screaming] - [water splashing]
[surgeon] Oh, my God. What is that?
- [all gasping] - [flesh squelching]
- [nurse yelps] - [screams]
[tense music playing]
[glass squeaking]
- [light bulb shatters] - [screaming]
- Mommy! - [fly buzzes]
- [gasps] - [Astrid's laughter echoes]
[Beetlejuice exhales]
I just had the weirdest dream.
- [thunderclap] - [gasps]
[Beetlejuice's laughter echoing]
["MacArthur Park" by Donna Summer playing]
♪ I recall the yellow cotton dress ♪
♪ Foaming like a wave ♪
♪ On the ground beneath your knees ♪
♪ The birds like tender babies in your hands ♪
♪ And the old men playing ♪
♪ Chinese checkers by the trees ♪
♪ MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark ♪
♪ All the sweet, green icing flowing down ♪
♪ Someone left the cake out in the rain ♪
♪ I don't think that I can take it ♪
♪ 'Cause it took so long to bake it ♪
♪ And I'll never have that recipe again ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark ♪
♪ All the sweet, green icing flowing down ♪
♪ Someone left the cake out in the rain ♪
♪ I don't think that I can take it ♪
♪ 'Cause it took so long to bake it ♪
♪ And I'll never have that recipe again ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
[song ends]
["Beetlejuice" theme music playing]
[music ends]